Apology Tax: UK Government Introduces New Politeness Legislation
“We’re sorry, but you’re going to have to pay for that sorry.”
💷 The Concept
The UK Government has unveiled a bold new initiative: an Apology Tax, where every formal, casual, or passive-aggressive apology is now taxable under new politeness legislation.
🧾 How It Works:
- Saying “sorry” in person: £0.50
- Texting “soz”: £0.75
- Saying “I’m sorry you feel that way”: £1.25
- Apologizing when someone else bumps into you: £5 fine for self-esteem violation
📉 Results So Far:
- Immediate £12 billion revenue
- 40% drop in public conversations
- Rise in awkward silences and prolonged eye contact
🎓 Academic Perspective:
British linguist Nigel Mumblesworth calls it “a brutal blow to national identity.”
“If we can’t apologize for existing, what’s left? Assertiveness? That’s French.”
😬 Unintended Consequences:
- Queen Camilla allegedly fined during a public address
- Brits now attempting to express guilt through body language alone
- Introduction of “Sorry Credits” for NHS workers
📌 Notes:
Scotland considering follow-up legislation: “Taxing compliments unless sarcastic.”