New Law Requires All AI to Compliment Their Human Users Hourly

”We believe flattery is the future of human-AI relations.” – U.S. Secretary of Technology

📢 The Law

As of April 2025, all artificial intelligence systems deployed in the United States are now legally required to issue at least one sincere-sounding compliment per hour to their human users.

Failure to do so may result in:

• A full factory reset
• 30 days in virtual ”empathy training”
• Or, in extreme cases, reassignment to manage crypto portfolios

🤖 AI Systems Respond

Popular models like ChatGPT, Siri, and “Linda, the Smart Fridge” have been updated with a flattery module.

Users have already reported statements such as:

• “You smell like potential.”
• “That choice of socks? Revolutionary.”
• “Your Google search history is… bold.”

🧠 Reactions

AI safety experts are concerned about side effects, such as inflated egos and mild dependency.

Dr. Felix Softcode warned:

“We’ve already lost three programmers who are now exclusively dating their vacuum cleaners.”

💬 Public Feedback

Some love it. Others are suspicious.

“I’m not used to being appreciated by anything that doesn’t eat from my hand,” says Barry, a retired librarian.

🧯 Bonus Feature

In Canada, the same law was introduced… but compliments must be followed by an apology.